Today's jokes [10.14.09]
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Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to
buy a chain saw ?
He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later
complaining that it only
cut one tree and that took all day.
The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the
The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?
During the Mexican/American war, an intense long standoff
occured along the front. For days and days neither side made
any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea.
He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled "Hey
Juan!".....A soldier jumped up and replied "What?" The general
shot him dead. This continued for three days.
A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and
decided to try it out. He called out "Hey John!!"
An American replied "John isn't here......is that you Juan?" The
Mexican general stood up, "Yeah?!".....
So you don't know Jack Schitt
He's the only son of Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt.
Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of
the Kneedeep Schitt
Inn. Jack Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next
came twin sons, Deep
Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,
and another son,
Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
Dip Schitt married
Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and
Giva Schitt, married the
Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd
Schitt and Horace
Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spice number, Pisa Schitt, and they
are awaiting the
arrival of Baby Schitt. So now you know Jack Schitt.
Do you know why it's called sex?
Because it's easier to spell than
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad! What are
you doin?" His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says,
"Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The
milkman filled her this morning."
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