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Today's jokes [10.10.09]

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Q: Who are Sven War, Ollie Famine, Piter Pestilence, and Jergi Death?
A: The four Norseman of the Apocolypse.

1. 




Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their 
Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain 
and the top is down! 

2. 




How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?

There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

3. 




History of the United States

                                      by David Hyatt



J. Walter Thompson, a huge ad agency, has a test for all wannabe
copywriters.  They print it every few years as a full page ad in many
major newspapers.  They call the campaign "Write if you want work."

My response to the question, "Write the history of the
United States in 100 words or less":

        Creation.  Evolution.  Civilization.  Exploration.
Colonization.  Taxation.  Representation?  Declaration.  Revolution.
Celebration. Constitutionalization.  Election.  Inauguration.
Succession.  Institutionalization.  Conflagration.  Migration.
Plantation.  Expansion.  Destination Manifestation.  Annexation.
Secession.  Rebellion.  Abolition.  Emancipation Proclamation.
Assassination.  Reconstruction.  Industrialization.  Assassination.
Invention.  Transportation.  Urbanization.  Exploitation.
Stratification.  Assassination.  Unionization.  Protection.
Regulation.  Suffrage Extension.  Balkanization.  Destruction.  League
of Nations.  Prohibition.  Immigration.  Depression.  Socialization.
Construction.  Isolation.  Deterioration.  Penetration.
Fission-n-Fusion.  Annihilation.  Radiation.  Polarization.
Militarization.  Partition.  Persecution.  Automation.  Failed
Invasion.  Assassination.  Investigation.  Division.  Demonstration.
Mind Alteration.  Space Exploration.  Bra Incineration.  Obfuscation.
Resignation.  Elation.  Stupification.  Abortion.  Stagflation.  Gas
Station.  Computerization.  Communication.  Deregulation.  Pollution.
Deforestation.  Kinder, Gentler Nation.  Reunification.
Reconciliation.  Verification.  Recession.  Demarcation.
Obliteration.  Glorification.  Education?

Copyright 1992 David Hyatt -- don't rip it off if you're taking the
same test!



4. 




A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar one
evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drink except
that gay guy over there"

About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyone
a drink except that gay guy over there"

The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender
asks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in each cheek,
go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!" 

5. 



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