Today's stories [1.28.09]

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An Obituary printed in the London Times........ Interesting and sadly
rather true.


'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since
his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be
remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to
come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't
always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
  
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).
  
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job
that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but
could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have
an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as some churches became businesses; and
criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a
beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home
and the burglar could sue you for assault.
  
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her
lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust his
wife, Discretion his daughter, Responsibility his son, Reason He is
survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone
Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

[Unknown, 25 March 1993]
A Vapid Death: A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being
blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no
mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his
system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a
couple other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It
appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous
cloud that was hanging over his bed.  Had he been outside or had his
windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but the man was shut up in his
near airtight bedroom. He was ``...a big man with a huge capacity for
creating [this deadly gas].'' Three of the rescue workers got sick and
one was hospitalized.

In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull. 

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