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Today's stories [1.12.09]

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An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be attacked
by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge,
he leapt into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish.



A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room 
complaining of abdominal pains. 
During an examination, doctors found that the woman's labia were 
pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they found 
the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman explained that she 
inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby. 


Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on
the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged
in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly
locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over
300 mph. The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying
Harrier hurtled over their heads. The boys in blue, upset at the damage
to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat
chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have
been more severe. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked on to the
'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile
attack. Luckily(?) the Harrier was operating unarmed. 


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