Today's stories [1.10.09]

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Los Angeles entrepreneur, Poor Innocent Guy David Morgan,
52, opened a new business called Anger Behind Closed Doors.
Clients pay $10 a session to enter a padded room where they
can vent their pent-up hostility by attacking a green dummy.

"How many times do you want to choke someone because they
really deserved it?  And, of course, you can't do it?"
Morgan told the Los Angeles Times. "But here you can do,
say, feel what you want."

After acting on their anger, clients unwind in the 15,000-
square-foot facility's "thought and relaxation area," which
comprises four private booths where they can listen to
soothing music.

Already the SLOTHS are organizing an effort to close Anger
Behind closed Doors.  One SLOTHS spokeswomen said, "When I
yell at my husband or double-bind him, I want him to suffer.
He has no right to go off to this place and vent his
frustrations so he can feel good."

A Contender for the Darwin Awards 

(Courtesy of the Japan Times -April 16, 1997) 

"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of Pumping", a 
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this 
perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood." 

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak 
had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a 
standard bicycle pump," he explained, inserting the nozzle far up their 
rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This 
act is a sin against God." 

Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot 
pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to 
friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby 
gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he 
snuck in. Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube 
deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died 
virtually instantly, but passers by are still in shock. One woman thought 
she was watching a twilight firework display, and started clapping. 

"We still haven't located all of him.", say the police authorities. "When 
that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly 
exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something." 

"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to satan," the 
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital concluded. "Inflate your 
tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt 
you."

I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still
existed in 1999.

A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that
actually said "General Store", and that was it.

There was a little old man sitting in front of the
store in a rocking chair. I said to him, "What do
you folks do around here?"

He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' fuck."

I said, "What do you hunt?"

He said, "Somethin' to fuck."

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