Today's jokes [1.9.09]

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Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe 
took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. 
"Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do. One: Take out 
your penie-pipe. 
Two: Pull back the foreskin.
Three: Pee.
Four: Push back your foreskin.
Five: Put your equipment back."
The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his 
still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went 
ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!"
"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.
I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' "Two-four, two-four, two-four......" 

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard I

Never walk down the hall without a document in your
hands. People with documents in their hands look like
hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People
with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the
cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like
they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating
the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Q: How do you pick up TWA flight attendants?
A: With a fishing pole!

Why do they call it PMS?

Mad Cow disease was already taken.

Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find
out whether computer is male or female: one group was male,
and the other group was female.

The group of women reported that computers should be 
refereed to as "HE" because: 

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on. 
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the 
time they are the problem. 
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had 
waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better 
model.

The group of men reported that computers should be refered to 
as "SHE" because: 

1. No one but the creator understands their logic. 
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is 
incomprehensible to anyone else. 
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory 
for later retrieval. 
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find 
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

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