Today's jokes [1.8.09]

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A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert
himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go 
home and show her you're the boss." 

The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went
home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and 
growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my 
supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs 
and lay out my clothes.  Tonight I am going out with the boys. 
You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another 
thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"

"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says: 

                       "So, why the long face?" 

   Wife comes home to find the old man humping the dog in the front room.
   "My God
   Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time
   you've gone too far!"
   "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."
   

Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

Age        IDEAL DATE
        17         He offers to pay
        25         He pays
        35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
        48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
        66         He can chew breakfast

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