Today's jokes [1.26.09]

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Whats the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vaccum? 

     - With a vaccum, the dirtbags on the inside 

Good News, Bad News, Worse News VII
 
  Good: 
        The postman's early
   Bad: 
        He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
 Worse: 
        You gave him nothing for Christmas

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. 
"Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let 
you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. 

"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick 
aspect of it." 

"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" 

"Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."

A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot
overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside
with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's
seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat
calmly knitting.

He stopped to investigate.

He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked
up, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.

"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading
this magazine."

Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then
asked, "And what is she doing?"

The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's
knitting a sweater."

Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?"

"I'm nineteen," he replied.

"And how old is she?" asked the officer.

The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve
minutes she'll be eighteen."

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when
a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his
butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the
baby was his and asked what was he going to do about
it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until
the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar,
and one day the teenager who had been collecting the
meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been
counting too, tell your mother, when you take this
parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat
she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The
woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher
and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk,
and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the
expression on HIS face!"

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