Today's jokes [1.23.09]

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   A man is urinating one day when the end of his penis drops off.
   
   He thinks, "This is probably not a good thing," so he picks up the
   knobby end and sticks it in his pocket, then races off to the doctor.
   He waits in the surgery for a bit, then he's called in.
   
   The doctor greets him and asks, "What's the problem?"
   
   "Well, doctor, I was urinating and my knob fell off. Here it is." And
   he reaches into his pocket and hands the piece to the doctor.
   
   The doctor looks, frowns, then replies, "What are you talking about?
   This is a marshmellow!"
   
   "Well, that can't be right! I ate my last marshmellow on the way in
   here!"
   

These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing and one sperm
   asks the
   other...Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube???
   Sperm #2 says "Naaaa
   this is still the esophagus".
   

   A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a
   mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the
   farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm
   but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back
   to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws
   the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car
   forward saving him from sinking!
   
   A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow
   again and the chicken falls into the mud hole. The chicken yells to
   the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse says, "I
   think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretches over the width of
   the hole and says, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And
   the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
   
   The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a
   Mercedes to pick up a chick.
   

What goes in and out and smells of piss?

The Queen Mother

A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier after
having eaten a very expensive lunch at one of Beverly Hills most
exclusive restaurants.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an
absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the
furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that
particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may
come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared the bank."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.
The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?!
There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy,

"to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

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