Today's jokes [1.21.09]
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What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your house!
What are the worst 3 years of a blondes life?
The 1st grade.
There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands and
kicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that is
lying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.
All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.
Genie, " Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2
thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is a
fag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won't
even give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will it
The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come up
with what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.
Fag1 says," Could you give us just a little time to think about it? I
mean one wish we need a little time."
The Genie looks down and says, "Alright you can take as long as you
want but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I just
can't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind just
wish for it and it will done."
At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.
Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room and
decide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotions
took over and they starting doing all that fag stuff.
Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busted
down and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw a
rope around their necks.
Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says, " You know this might be a good time use
Fag2 says, "I already made it."
Fag1 " What the hell did you wish for?"
Fag2 " Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers."
A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a
drawing he was doing with varicolored crayons. His mother
finally looked over his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked "Who's
that you're drawing, son?"
The son answered, "God."
"Don't be silly," reproved the mother. "Nobody knows what God
Not even pausing in his task, the son announced calmly,
"They will when I'm finished!"
How Smart Are You?
20 Correct - Genius
17 Correct - Above Normal
15 Correct - Normal
8 Correct - Nincompoop
6 Correct - Moron
3 Correct - Idiot
1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister,
but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
6. How many outs are there in an inning?
7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number
of games. There are no ties. Explain this.
9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern
exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why?
11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What
are the coins?
13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there
was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which
one would you light first?
14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half
hour. How long would the pills last?
16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
20. What was the President's name in 1950?
****************** Answers ****************
3. All of them (12)
4. The beggar is her sister.
5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead.
7. No - because he is dead.
8. They aren't playing each other.
10. White. The house is at the North Pole so it is a polar bear.
12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (The other one is a nickel)
13. The match.
14. Half way. Then he is running out of the woods.
15. 1 Hour
17. None - Noah took them on the ark.
20. Same as it is now.
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