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Today's jokes [1.2.09]

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An advantage of being with an older woman

If you act immature enough and hang around long enough, an older woman 
will just mistake you for another one of her children and let you live at 
her house rent-free. Older women can afford to support you.


Dear Abby:

My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated 
our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and 
supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. 
He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him.  Every 
time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong 
and begs me to forgive him.
This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat.
I don't know what to do.



Dear Frustrated:                                            

You should dump him.  Now that you are finally a New York Senator, you 
don't need him anymore.


Q: Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like Daddy's between my legs?
A: You will when you're older, Lucy!


Did you hear about that guy who was tap dancing?

He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. 


There was this guy & he had just bought a brand new Farrari F-50 and he
was taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this little boy on a
mopehead stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked the
guy if he could ake a quick look inside and he agreed. Just as he was getting
out of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car could go and he said.
"oh, around 175-200. Want to see?" Of couse the boy nodded and waited
for the light to turn green. The man took off at a very high rate of speed. As
he was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him and
then flew right past him. 'no! it couldnt be the boy on the mopehead could it?"
He asked to himself. Then the light came flying back and went way behind
him. The guy then ralized that it indeed WAS the boy on the mopehead. Then
the light started to catch up with him again. He slowed down a bit to catch up
with the boy to find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast and in
a stunned voice the boy looked at the man and siad.."Would you mind taking
my suspenders off your rear view mirror?" 


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