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Today's jokes [1.18.09]

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Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.
To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'
three whiskeys."
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy,
it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It's
celebratin', you are.
"Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating
me first blow job."
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar.
"Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself,
here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration
with you."
Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal,
but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't


What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?

A white one starts off with "Once upon a time...".
A black one starts off with "Yo ass ain't gonna believe dis shit..." 


Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?

A: Facing Bloomingdales


Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were
greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got 
knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates 
chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.
Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick,
so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.
The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good
news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone.
"Well, give me the good news first," replied the other.
"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.
"And the bad news?"
"Mine died"


Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were 
invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was 
partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the
Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the 
door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his 
wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the
Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first 
time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand." 


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