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Today's jokes [1.11.09]

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Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven.
St. Peter asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?" 
Man #1: I was a doctor. 
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.

St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #2: I was a school teacher.
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.

St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #3: I was a musician.
St. P.: Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the 


Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton,
"Are you ready to order?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies.  "Sir, given the current
situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.
I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu."
She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

Sent by Gail


Q.  How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A.  Two.  But I have no idea how they get in there.


Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on,
indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.
One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, "Who
turned on the fucking lights!"
"Oh, no sir," the nearest flight attendant replied. "Those are the 
breakfast lights. You slept through the 'fucking lights.'"


What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

                    A stick.


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