Today's jokes [1.1.09]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

   A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before
   getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to
   make: the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she
   is very flat-chested. If he wishes to cancel the wedding, it's okay
   with her. The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not
   mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a
   marriage.
   
   Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that
   he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is
   just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, its okay
   with him. The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does
   not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more
   important than sex in a marriage.
   
   They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to
   Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her
   clothes, she was flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his
   clothes. One glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell
   to the floor.
   
   After she became conscious the guy asked: "I told you before we got
   married, why did you still faint?"
   
   The girl said: "You told me it was just like a baby".
   
   The guy replied: "Yes, 8 pounds and 21 inches".
   

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic 
light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. 

The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa 
bring that to you?" 

The kid says, "Yeah." 

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on 
that bike." 

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety 
violation ticket. 

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, 

"By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring 
that to you?" 

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." 

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick 
underneath the horse, instead of on top."

A worried patient went to his psychiatrist.
"I'm in love with my horse," he said.
"But that's nothing," replied the shrink. "A lot of people love animals. 
For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much."
"Ah, but doctor," the patient replied. "It's a sexual attraction that I 
feel toward my horse."
"Ahhh!" exclaimed the doc. "What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?"
"Female, of course," said the bloke. "What do you think I am, a faggot!"

Q: What would Princess Diana be doing right now if
   she were alive today?
A: Scratching on the lid of her casket.

A woman goes into a bar and orders a beer. She grabs the beer and tips it 
down the back of her skirt. The barman looks amazed as she orders another 
and again tips it down her skirt.
Finally, the barman says: "Why are you tipping your drinks down your 
skirt?"
"Well," the chick replies, "I've just won the lottery and this is the only 
arsehole I'm shouting!"

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   January '09 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31