Today's stories [9.4.08]

Vote for the story that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to story categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your story reading.

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho 
Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we 
have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of 
everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a 
petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the 
chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." 

And for plenty of good reasons, since it can: 

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting 
2. it is a major component in acid rain 
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state 
4. accidental inhalation can kill you 
5. it contributes to erosion 
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes 
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients 

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical dihydrogen 
monoxide. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew
that the chemical was...water. 

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" The 
conclusion is obvious.

Super Granny - Defender Of Justice

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
she found four males in the act of leaving with her car! She
dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,preceded to scream
at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to
use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and
ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to
load her shopping bags in the back of the car and went back and
got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken up that she couldn't get her key into the
ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why!
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five
spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove
to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in
two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses,
and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

Prof. Lachner once taught a class from 2:30pm to 5:30pm. Every time the
class met, all the students would have a lot of food on their desks when
the class started. During the 5 minutes break, all of them would line a
queue at the nearby vending machine. He couldn't understand why these
students were hungry all the time, anyway, his class was just after the
lunch time and long before dinner time. Prof. Somebody was not happy about
this because when they ate, they make a lot of noise. So he announced one
day "No food in the class". Next class he found the classroom extremely
quiet. Guess what, everybody was dozing because nothing was keeping them
awake.

By voting you are helping select today's best story. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best stories to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   September '08 Stories Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30