Today's stories [9.27.08]

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   My wife is what's generally known as a "Strawberry Blonde", which is
   of course, half blonde/half redhead. Every once in a while though the
   blonde part gains the upper hand. On a recent trip to New York, there
   was a one of those small info signs on the check-in desk. It said:
   Breakfast 6-10; Lunch 11-3; Dinner 4-11.
   
   She took one look at that and said "How in the world are we gonna do
   any sight-seeing ? We'll be so busy eating, we won't have time for
   anything else."

A friend of mine said he and his son were at the grocery store
when his son (about 9) asked him what "Oriole sex" was.  I
told him the store wasn't a proper place to talk about it, but 
I'd explain it to him on the way home.  On the way, I decided to 
tell the truth and explain it fairly graphic and clinical.  I thought
I did pretty good until my son said, "Oh, you mean like a blow
job, huh?"

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness
   reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is
   the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's
   "206's".... His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
   curiosity. I would not breed from this Officer. This Officer is really
   not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. When she
   opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot
   was previously in there. He has carried out each and every one of his
   duties to his entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a
   car park puddle. Technically sound, but socially impossible. This
   Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around
   at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. This young lady has
   delusions of adequacy. When he joined my ship, this Officer was
   something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. Since my
   last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. She
   sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
   them. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. In my
   opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
   Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in
   a trap This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Only
   occasionally wets himself under pressure


  

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