Today's stories [9.1.08]
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---- ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) --
A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving
car's sun roof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture"
by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a
twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman
who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw
twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side
of the road who she claimed was Jesus. "She started screaming "He's back!,
He's back!" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof
of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann
Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she
wouldn't wait till I stopped," Willams said. She thought the rapture was
happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the
sky," he went on to say.
"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said
Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who
looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume
party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and
released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium which then floated up
into the air. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several
of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms
into the air in frustration, and said "Come back," just as the Williams'
car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting
people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband,
who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else. When asked for
comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too
weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."
Some Boeing employees recently "liberated" a life raft
from one of the 747s on the company's production line.
Later, they took it for a float on the Stilliguamish
river. Imagine their surprise when a Coast Guard helicopter
"rescued" them after homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. Not
surprisingly, they no longer work at Boeing.
Actual Police Accounts
The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for
speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked
up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: "I bet you're going
to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "No,
highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what
he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.
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