Today's jokes [9.9.08]

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A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so 
after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the 
minor of three possible operations. 

The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not 
pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he 
recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious 
operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative. 

But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back 
in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one. 

After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes 
normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in 
conceiving a baby.

Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular 
examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so 
happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this 
third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, 
but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy 
for weeks after."

"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard 
operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather 
than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to 
your uterus."

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said,
"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad
news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good
news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain
transplants and there has been an accident right out front
and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever
brain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100,000.00 and the
woman's brain costs "30,000.00." 

The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a large
difference between the male and the female brain?" 

The doctor replied, "The female brain is used." 

The husband was furious when he found out the checking account was
   empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, "It's my turn."
   "What do you mean, your turn?" yelled the husband.
   "In bed," she explained, "you've been making early withdrawals for
   years. Now, it's my turn."

What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle?

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!"

A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her 
senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says:
"I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious 
problems." 
"What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my 
child and I'll love it regardless." 
"Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs." 
"Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless." 
"And it hasn't got any arms either." 
"What?" 
"Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, 
your child is only a very, very big ear." 
The woman is in anguish, but she still tells the doctor to bring her her 
son.
"Sonny, dear, it's me your mother! Do you hear me!?"
"There is no need to scream," says the doctor "it's deaf."

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