Today's jokes [9.4.08]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together,
"Guess what I have in here and you'll get some loving tonite."
The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all
replies, "An elephant".
The wife sez "That's close enough!"
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she
has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the
sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wears panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys,
five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.
One day in class the teacher has sex education.On the black board she draws
a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is.In the back of
the room,Dirty Johnny stands and says "That's a penis,and my father has two
of them". The teacher looks surprised and asks "What do you mean,two?"Dirty
Johnny responds,"A little one to pee,and a big one to brush the baby sitters
"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf."
"Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get
the shovel and clean it up!"
What if Mother Goose had tendencies and propensities
toward verbosity and prolixity?
Jack becomes dexterous,
Jack becomes able to attain high velocity,
Jack forms a trajectory over the illuminating apparatus of
Mary was formerly the owner and proprietor of a pygmy Ovis aries,
It possessed an outer wool covering which had the characteristic
pallidness much like that found in the appearance of crystalline
And to each point in space that Mary would venture to,
The aforementioned Ovis aries would participate with a high degree of
Diminutive Jack Horner
Was seated at the perpendicular conjunction of three planar surfaces,
Ingesting his baked Yuletide pastry.
He inserted his opposable digit,
And excavated a specimen of genus Prunus,
And remarked, "What a benevolent adolescent I have become!"
Lilliputian damsel Muffet
Was rested upon a squatty seating apparatus,
Ingesting the lacteal substances in her possession.
At this point arrived an arachnid
Which inhabited the immediate vicinity of the maiden,
And, true to the fundamental principles of stimulus and response,
arose trepidation in the damsel with sufficient efficiency so as
to induce the aforementioned maiden to change locale.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30