Today's jokes [9.30.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants? 

     - So people can read her lips. 

Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated." 
        Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or
what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation." 
        Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little
embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here.
Will you do it?" 
        Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I 
don't understand it, but OK." 
        He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the
bedside when Fred wakes up.
        "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks. 
        "It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an
operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple 
task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was 
operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went
ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be
circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..." 
        "CIRCUMCISED!" yells Fred. "THAT'S the word!!!"

   
   A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a
   sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we
   saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was
   good, but I wanted the word "'fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand. She
   said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I
   was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word
   'fascinate.'" Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated
   because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there
   was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
   Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs
   are so big she can only fasten 8."

How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style

Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time
selling elephants they haven't  caught, for delivery two
days before the season opens.  Software salespeople ship the
first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an
elephant.  Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them
gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."

Sent by Alex

How big is Bill Clinton's Penis? 

     Not as big as Hillary's 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   September '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30