Today's jokes [9.28.08]
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A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I
would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree", sighed the
pheasant, "but I haven"t got the energy".
Well, why don"t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They"re packed with nutrients".
The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch and so
on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the
top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into
the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out
of the tree.
Moral of the Story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won"t keep you there.
Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there
his teacher asked,
"Why are you late little Johnny?"
Johnny replied, "My grandpa got burnt, Miss."
The teacher replied, "I hope it wasn't too bad."
Then little Johnny said, "Don't worry, the crematorium doesn't
A horse wanders into a bar and orders a tall one.
The bartender says, "Hey fella, why the long face?"
For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you
throw back, The good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and The big ones
Three lawyers met at an upscale nightspot for drinks one Friday night,
got real plastered and met with unfortunate results on their way home.
On Saturday, they were comparing notes during a round of golf.
Lawyer 1 said he had gotten so drunk that he became disoriented and
was very sick. When he arrived home he said that he was in such bad
shape that he even blew chunks.
Lawyer 2 said he thought he had an even worse experience. He lost
control of his new BMW and totaled it by driving it into a utility
pole. Fortunately, he wasn't injured in the crash.
Lawyer 3 claimed his experience was the worst. He said when he got
home his girlfriend was so pissed at him for being out late that she
started throwing things at him. She totally destroyed a Ming dynasty
vase that had an appraised value of over a half a million dollars.
Then she went into the garage and started up his new Ferrari after
dumping sugar in the gas tank.
Lawyer 1 was standing there just shaking his head and crying
uncontrollably. The other two asked him what was the matter. He said,
"You guys just don't understand - "Chunks" is my dog!"
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