Today's jokes [9.27.08]

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   A negro was travelling in china. In a remote village, he came upon an
   elderly chinaman
   skipping stones across a lake. At each bounce of the stone off the
   water, the mountains
   surrounding the lake echoed back, "CHING...CHANG...CHUN..."
   The negro was amazed. He asked the chinaman what was going on.
   "Oh", said the chinee, "magic spirit of the lake echo back the names
   of your ancient
   ancestors as your stone skip upon the sacred waters".
   "Wow", said the negro, "can I try it?".
   "Certainly", replied the chinaman.
   The negro picked up the biggest stone he could find, and gave it a
   mighty heave across the
   waters...and as it skipped across the waters, the mountains echoed
   back
   "CHIM...PAN...ZEE...."
   

Tombstone Epitaph In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across 
the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing 
along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The 
commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run 
up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of the
advancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general 
stops the troops and waits to see what happens.

Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to 
investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be 
seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find 
out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, 
too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entire
division to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.

But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and 
cups his hands to his lips. "Go back!" he shouts. "Go back! It's 
hopeless-- there's TWO of them!"

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a
fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,
peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and
horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at
the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a
few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She
met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her
question:

"Will I be acquitted?"

Two gynecologists meet at lunch.
The first one says, "I had a patient this morning with
a clit like a dill pickle. 
The second one says,"That big or that green?"
The first one says,"That Sour."

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