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Today's jokes [9.24.08]

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Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you 
ever get to feeling horny?"
her friend replied. "What do you do about it?"
"I usually suck on a Lifesaver."
After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do 
you go to?" 


A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week 
and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your 
penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay 
next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 
4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive 
work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry 
and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse 
to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw 
them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these 
He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, "Look at 
this beauty, it's still in the CRATE!"


There were two cats that enjoyed running together. 
The first cat was english, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. 
One day when they were running they came to a huge
river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as
far as they could. Which cat drowned? 
     Un-deux-trois cat sank 
     (un deux trois quatre cinq) 


Man walks into a supermarket and buys :

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube toothpaste
1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk
1 single serving cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner

The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?"
The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?"
She replies "because you're ugly."


What did the mongoloid say to his dog?



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