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Today's jokes [9.22.08]

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   The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the
   night.
   
   "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young
   mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive."
   
   The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door,
   the phone rang again.
   
   "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of
   relief. "My husband just found another one."
   


1. 




A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his 
friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?"

The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits 
on top, and I bob her up and down."

His friend says, "You know, that don't sound too bad."

The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got 
somebody to talk to."

2. 




Why did the blond get fired from the M&M's Factory?

She threw away all the w's.


Sent by Chris

3. 




A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked
why had she left her previous employment, she replied, "Yes,
sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous
place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called
Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about to
bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and
let's see what you've got." Another man said, "I've got
strength but no length."  Another man says to the lady,
"Take your hand off my trick!"
"I pretty dropped dead just then, when the lady answered,
"You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for
one raise." Another lady was talking about protecting her
honor. Another lady said, "Now it's time for me to play with
your husband and you can play with mine."
"Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I
hope to die if one of them didn't say, "Well, I guess we'll
go home now. This is the last rubber"

4. 




A blond at a party was telling her friend that
she was off men for life. "They lie, they cheat
and they're just no good. From now on when I want
sex, I'm going to use my vibrator"

"So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend

"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."


5. 



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