Today's jokes [9.21.08]

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Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with....
the other is used to carry groceries. 

Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.
The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has
to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting "One,
two three, uhh...one, two three, uhh..." In the morning, the second
dwarf says to the first dwarf, "So how was it?" The first dwarf says,
"It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night." The second dwarf says,
"You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed." 

The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:

An empty greyhound.

She: "Do you think of me when you're away darling?"

He: "Yes honey, I always bare you in mind." 

"Dad, can i ask you something?" 
    "Sure! What about?" 
    "You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think 
    it's just proper that i should own one." 
    "And what is this 'one' you're referring to?" 
    "Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?" 
    "No." 
    "My nipples are already prominent and it 
    catches attention." 
    "Nope." 
    "It will be just proper at my age..." 
    "I said no way...!" 
    "But all of my friends wears.......!" 
    "David! How many times shall i tell you that 
    bras are for girls!?"

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