Today's jokes [9.2.08]
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Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."
A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife."
"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.
"I got married again," the man sobbed.
"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."
While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his
hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man
were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas. The old man said "Well,
ya know, old Bush is a post turtle".
So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle"
was. And he said "When your driving down a country road, and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.
You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't
get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor
Recipe for Banana Bread
2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana
1. Look into Loving Eyes.
2. Fold in Loving Arms.
3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.
4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing
Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.
Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils
and don't lick the bowl.
N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class
was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe
properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at
this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the
time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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