Today's jokes [9.19.08]

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A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
 Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as
you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your
windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of
their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you
for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back-seat.
On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the
front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals
your wallet. I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the
15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also December 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th,
16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again
this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each.

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was
stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did
not admit Jews.
 The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no
room. The hotel is full." The Jewish lady said, "But your
sign says that you have vacancies."  The desk clerk
stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not
admit Jews.  Now if you will try the other side of town..."
 Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you
know I converted to your religion."
 The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test.
How was Jesus born?"
 Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary
in a little town called Bethlehem."
 "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
 Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
 "That's right," said the hotel clerk.  "And why was he born in a
manger?"
 Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the
hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of 
a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to 
the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." 
The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is 
hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. 

The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you 
would give me that fan." The girl gives her the fan, too.

Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus 
driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he 
has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the 
block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If 
you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." 

The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As 
she's walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you 
have?"

The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, 
"Chutzpah."

What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?

 

They both wiggle when you eat them!

Sent by Sonia

Helpful advice for travellers:
If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you.
BECAUSE:  What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the 
SAME TIME with a bomb?

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