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Today's jokes [9.13.08]

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How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?

There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

1. 




How can you tell if your college roomate is gay?

-His dick tastes like shit. 

2. 




Mom took little johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.
Doc. said, how did such a thing happen?   Johnny said,  "It's 
that damn neighbor girl, Suzy.   Her braces are too darned 
sharp."

3. 




The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris,
France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently
studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled
over to him. "Do you have something in mind?" she asked.
"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied. "That's
why I want a nice gift." 

4. 




History of the United States

                                      by David Hyatt



J. Walter Thompson, a huge ad agency, has a test for all wannabe
copywriters.  They print it every few years as a full page ad in many
major newspapers.  They call the campaign "Write if you want work."

My response to the question, "Write the history of the
United States in 100 words or less":

        Creation.  Evolution.  Civilization.  Exploration.
Colonization.  Taxation.  Representation?  Declaration.  Revolution.
Celebration. Constitutionalization.  Election.  Inauguration.
Succession.  Institutionalization.  Conflagration.  Migration.
Plantation.  Expansion.  Destination Manifestation.  Annexation.
Secession.  Rebellion.  Abolition.  Emancipation Proclamation.
Assassination.  Reconstruction.  Industrialization.  Assassination.
Invention.  Transportation.  Urbanization.  Exploitation.
Stratification.  Assassination.  Unionization.  Protection.
Regulation.  Suffrage Extension.  Balkanization.  Destruction.  League
of Nations.  Prohibition.  Immigration.  Depression.  Socialization.
Construction.  Isolation.  Deterioration.  Penetration.
Fission-n-Fusion.  Annihilation.  Radiation.  Polarization.
Militarization.  Partition.  Persecution.  Automation.  Failed
Invasion.  Assassination.  Investigation.  Division.  Demonstration.
Mind Alteration.  Space Exploration.  Bra Incineration.  Obfuscation.
Resignation.  Elation.  Stupification.  Abortion.  Stagflation.  Gas
Station.  Computerization.  Communication.  Deregulation.  Pollution.
Deforestation.  Kinder, Gentler Nation.  Reunification.
Reconciliation.  Verification.  Recession.  Demarcation.
Obliteration.  Glorification.  Education?

Copyright 1992 David Hyatt -- don't rip it off if you're taking the
same test!



5. 



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