Today's jokes [9.12.08]

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    DOUBLE VODKA

   A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
   double vodka."
   The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
   "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
   The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
   drinks.
   When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
   back,
   "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
   On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
   double vodkas.
   The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
   "Yeah, my wife..."

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, 
they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never 
before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father 
for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the 
success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly 
feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as 
often as possible,and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, 
to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her 
problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up 
in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the 
morning."

"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm 
afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room 
with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight 
out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While 
the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush 
your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed 
your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter 
asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice 
each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with 
her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until 
about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the 
husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had 
come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches 
the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, 
she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"

A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously 
really angry . He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced 
down on a stool muttering, "Asshole attorneys". 
The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying "I want you to know I 
highly resent that remark".
"Why, are you an attorney?"
"No, I'm an asshole."

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young 
man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and 
everything.

When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his 
fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of 
the fork are you referring to?'

Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny!!

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