Today's jokes [9.10.08]

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A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field
assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.

The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls
everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered
"When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro."

The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs
everywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here I
going to be a professional baseball player."

The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things,
until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the
middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut
on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about
the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?"

"They're never going to let me out of here," the patient
said "I'm f**king nuts!" 

Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?

A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog stuck to his head.
Doctor: How did this happen?
Frog: It started with a bump on my ass.

AMNESIA:

Condition that enables a woman who has gone through
labor to have sex again.

Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local 
bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear 
about his wedding night.
Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up 
the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's 
me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of 
my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her."
The bartender says, "Why did it take three sons to get you off?"
Jake says, "I fought 'em." 

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