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Today's jokes [9.1.08]

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A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her
   looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.
   He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a
   monkey. What an ugly kid."
   The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing
   uncontrollably. The conductor sees her and comes over to her to
   console her.
   He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get
   off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a
   banana for your monkey."


   A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to
   his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
   Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to
   say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?


Q. What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?

A. They both have balls just for decoration.



Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and 
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing 
the same thing to them at funerals.


   I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different
   cars, take separate vacations, work different shifts, have their own
   computers, and even have their own ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and
   Home Pages. They say they're doing everything they can to keep their
   marriage together.


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