Today's poems [8.24.08]

Vote for the poem that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to poem categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your poem reading.

A milkmaid of Warnesby Fair 
               Was an expert at riding bulls bare. 
                    Oh how the bulls gallop 
                    To give that dear trollop 
               A bounce on the sweet derry-air. 

There was a young fellow of Strensall, 
                                        Whose prick was as sharp as a pencil. 
                                                      On the night of his wedding, 
                                                      It went through the bedding, 
                                        And shattered the chamber utensil. 

               There was a young lady of Andover, 
               And the boys used to ask her to hand over 
                    Her sexual favor, 
                    Which she did (may God save her!) 
               For her morals she had no command over. 

The Night Before Christmas



Twas the night before Christmas, 
And all through the house, 
Everybody felt shitty, 
Even the mouse.

With mom at the whore house
And Dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled down 
For a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn 
I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece
To see what was the matter.

Then out on the lawn,
I saw a big dick,
And I knew in a moment
That it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney 
Like a bat out of hell,
And I knew right away
That the fucker had fell.

He filled all our stockings 
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick
For my brother, the queer.

He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart; 
The damn son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed,
As he rode out of sight,
"Piss on you all,
And have a hell of a night!"

There was a young fellow named Simon 
            Who tried to discover a hymen, 
                But he found every girl 
                Had relinquished her pearl 
            In exchange for a solitaire diamond. 

By voting you are helping select today's best poem. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best poems to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Stories Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   August '08 Poems Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31