Today's poems [8.15.08]

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There was an old Abbot of Khief 
               Who thought the Inpenitent Thief 
                    Had bollocks of brass 
                    And an amethyst ass. 
               He died in this awful belief. 

There was a young girl of Tonga
Used to diddle herself with a conga.
When asked how it feels
To be pleasured by eels,
She said, "just like a man, only longer." 

A near-sighted chap named Coulter
Led a glamorous gal to the altar.
Quite lovely he thought her
Till some strong soap and hot water
Made her look like the rock of Gibraltar.

There was a young lady from Waste 
            Who fled from a man in some haste. 
                She tripped as she ran, 
                And fell flat on her pan--- 
            She sometimes still dreams that she's chaste.

There was a young lady named Sue 
            Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw. 
                But one leads to the other, 
                And now she's a mother--- 
            Let this be a lesson to you. 

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