Today's poems [8.11.08]

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There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose feet were attached to grease buckets
From trouble he'd hide
With a quick slip n slide
Of responsibility he said, simply, "duck it."

PS So you see, Bill, in America,

*anyone* can grow up to be the President.

sent by Summer Mondeau


  

A fair haired young damsel named Grace
Thought it very foolish to place
Her hand on your cock
When it turned hard as rock
For fear it would explode in her face. 

Twas the night before christmas and all through the house,

everybody was stoned, even a mouse.

The stockings were stuffed with pretzels and beer,

and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

The children were wrestling quietly in bed,

with sexy visions of masterbating in their heads.

All of sudden there came such a clatter,

I jumped off my wife's back to see what was the matter.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, 

from the sound of the crash i knew the fat motherfucker fell.

He snapped to his feet in a sudden flash,

he forgot to cover the crack of his ass.

He showed me the bird from his stubby little hands,

then he whipped out his box of sex toys and giant rubber bands.

All were thrown on the Tree at the same time,

He jumped with the fucking clock chimed.

He flew up the chimney just as fast as he came down,

I could tell he was some kind of professional clown.

He whipped dasher, dancer, and prancer, and vixon,

He kicked comit, cupid, donder and blitzen.

He shrieked loudly into the pale midnight,

Piss on all of you, and have a hell of a night!


Sent by Rob

The parish commission at Roylette 
            Bought their vicar a pristine new toilet. 
                But he still voids his bowels 
                On a heap of old towels, 
            He's so very reluctant to soil it. 

There once was a fellow named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave, 
The smell was grotesque,
The pussy the best,
And look at the money he saved!

Sent by dave

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