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Today's jokes [8.8.08]

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A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the
kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and
masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his
chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

Sent by Sherri


The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, 

and the Lamaze class was in full swing.  The instructor was

teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with 

informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at 

this stage of the plan.  

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for 

you.  Walking is especially beneficial.  And, gentlemen, it

wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your


The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes," replied the teacher.

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Sent by Katie-Anne 


   What makes a man think he's so great ?
   1) He has a belly button that won't work.
   2) He has tits that won't give milk.
   3) He has a cock that won't crow.
   4) He has balls that won't roll.
   5) He has an ass that won't carry a thing.


This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's 
pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the
dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries
its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, 
hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy,
"Did you hear that Fluffy died?".
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. er.. no.. what happened?".
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day.
But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, we went
outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him
back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"


The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's 
office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic 
cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."

"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis 
you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable 
positions," the medic said.

"Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your 


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