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Today's jokes [8.7.08]

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Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
A: Straight through the rib cage.


1. 




   Want some chicken?

   A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running
   along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with
   him because he was doing 50 MPH.
   He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He
   speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed
   the
   chicken had three legs.
   So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got
   out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked
   the farmer "What's up with these chickens?"
   The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three
   legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how
   they tasted.
   The farmer said "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
   


2. 




There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to
the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after
day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to,
so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.

So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

3. 




An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of 
Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and 
offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the 
horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few 
minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from 
the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the 
local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did 
you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station
attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the 
horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I 
wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."

4. 




PCMCIA     People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN       It Still Does Nothing
APPLE      Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI       System Can't See It
DOS        Defunct Operating System
BASIC      Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM        I Blame Microsoft
DEC        Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM     Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2       Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW        World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH  Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

5. 



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