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Today's jokes [8.3.08]

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   Bank Teller
   A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I
   want to open a
   fucking checking account". "Please sir", she replies, "we can't have
   language like that in
   here." "Why the Fuck not?" he asked. "Sir," Came her retort, "I must
   ask you to refrain
   from swearing." "I don't give a shit what you want," he answers, "I
   just want to open a
   fucking checking account."
   With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch
   manager. The manager
   asks if he might be able to help the gentleman. "Shit yes", came the
   reply, "I just won 14
   million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking
   account." The branch
   manager says, "I see, and this stupid, fucking, bitch is giving you a
   hard time?"
   


1. 




   Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that
   says, "Cow For Sale...$5000."
   
   He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth
   five thousand dollars."
   
   The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this."
   
   He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like
   a woman.
   
   Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just
   not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman,
   and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a
   cow, and you're not worth shit."
   


2. 




Two burglars broke into a building and stole a calendar.
They both got 6 months.

Sent by Jimbo

3. 




One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".
\She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!"

4. 




This wife has been married for seven years and has six kids
and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes to talk to her
priest, the priest tells her to go and by a ten gallon bucket
and stick her feet in it of a night, she thanks him and goes
off to do as he says.

Well six months later the priest sees her and sure enough she
is pregnant again. The priest asks her if she followed his
instructions, she said yes but that she could not find a ten
gallon bucket so she bought two five gallon buckets. 

5. 



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