Today's jokes [8.25.08]

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A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a
lumberyard.  One of the blonde men walked in the office and
said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant
two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,
"A long time.  We're gonna build a house."

   A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing,
   wondering what he would be
   wearing underneath. "What's underneath your kilt?", she asked him.
   "Why don't you
   take a look", he replied. Curiosity overcomming her, she lifted the
   kilt.then let it go,"Oh,
   it's gruesome!" "Well, why don't you take another look, it just
   grew-some more."
   

    "Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?"
   inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously
   eyeing her bulging stomach. "Why, no Father," answered the nun
   demurely, "It's just a little gas."
   A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun
   noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of
   gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit.
   On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he
   passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest
   observed, "Cute little Fart!"

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the
salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time.  A new haircut and new
color, a new outfit, and big sunglasses.  Then she waited a few days 
before she again approached the salesman.  "I would like to buy this TV," 
she told the salesman.
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Sent by Ace

How do you clean a condom?

Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it!

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