Today's jokes [8.15.08]

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Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer,
it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and
receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and
generally have a blast without doing anything remotely
related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits
that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to
talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by
your boss -and you *will* get caught - your best defence is
to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
saving valuable training dollars.

The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn't bat
an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina.
"What are you going to use it for?" she asked. 
"None of your business," answered the customer, beet
red and throughly offended. 
"Calm down, buddy," soothed the salesgirl. " The only
reason I'm asking is that if it's food, we don't have
to charge you sales tax." 

Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local
minister  comes walking around the corner.
The minister says, "My, Farmer Petrovich, you're certainly giving that
sheep  a beating.  You wouldn't do that to your wife, would you?"
The farmer says, "I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I 
tried to mount her!

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. 
He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?" 
"Don't Miss me, mister." 
"Well then, you better make it 13." 

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast 
Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came 
in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore 
completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she 
remarked:
"I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their 
arms." 

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