Today's poems [7.23.08]
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The ancient orthographer, Chisholm.
Caused a lexicographical schism
When he asked to know whether
"Twere known which was better
To use "g" or "j" to spell "jism."
THE CREATION OF A VAGINA
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine
Created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, smart with wit,
Using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
By using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
With a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
He threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee,
He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt,
He sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt
There was a girl from the five and ten
Who diddled herself with a fountain pen.
The top came off,
The ink went wild,
And now she's the mother of a coloured child.
There was a young choirboy from Devon
Who was raped in a haystack by seven
High Anglican priests---
For of such is the kingdom of heaven
A pretty young gal from Hong Kong
Said "I think you are utterly wrong
To say my vagina's
the largest in China
Just because of your mean little dong!"
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