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Today's jokes [7.6.08]

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It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed
to confess, so he went to his Priest. 
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in 
my attic." 
"Well," answered the Priest, "That's no a sin." 
"But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed." 
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." 
"Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more 
"What is it son." 
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"


How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?
-Both of them.


A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car
is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches,
dirt and blood.  He asks his friend,
"What's happened to your car?"

"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer".

"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about 
the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"

"Well, I had to chase him all through the park."


How does a man know when his wife is losing interest?

When her favorite sexual position is "next door"


A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after 
staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, 
walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began 
fondling her. 

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought 
you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she 

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."


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