Today's jokes [7.4.08]

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For all animal lovers out there:

How do you make a cat go 'woof'? 
Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. 

and...

How do you make a dog go 'miaow'? 
Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...

Two men went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a camel and headed 
out. Five days later they came back but without the camel. The man who had 
rented them the camel was very upset and screamed, "Where is my camel?" 
They replied, "Well, we were riding along when we kept hearing people say, 
'Look at the two assholes on that camel!' So finally we got off to take a 
look and the damn camel ran away!" 

Why do elephants live in herds?
To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

There were two guys walking down the street
and they saw a dog licking his nuts.
One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that".
Then the other guy said, "Man that dog will bite you!"! 

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a
fairly regular basis. 

After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said
politely." 

"This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping
myself pure until I meet the man I love." 

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied. 

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband
pretty upset."

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