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Today's jokes [7.30.08]

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Useful Phrases to Know When Travelling in the Middle East



AKBAR KHALI_KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN
    Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
 
FEKR GABUL ORADAN DAVAT PAEH CUSH DIVAR
    I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor
    with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
 
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH DEH GOFTEH BANDE
    I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
 
AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST
    It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk
    of your car.
 
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN
    If you will do me the kindness of not harming by genitel appendages I will
    gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
 
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN
    The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency.
 
TIEKH NUNEH OB KHREELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM
    The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I really must
    have the recipe.
 
  Regards,
  MPAGE@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca
  BCSC / DNS



1. 




Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction? 

A: A tea bag.

2. 




A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?' 

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for
about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!' 

The interviewer tries another straightforward one
to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, 
please?' 

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring
tape from her handbag. She then traps one end
under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces,
'Five foot two!' 

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for
the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our
records, your name please?' 

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying, 'Mandy!' 

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so
he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand
your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
were you doing when we asked you your name?' 

'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running
through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....'' 

3. 




What do a meteorologist in a snowstorm
and a woman's sex life have in common?

They're both concerned with how many
inches and how long it will last.

4. 




What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?

Kneel to the Chief!

5. 



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