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Today's jokes [7.26.08]

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A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong
well after midnight when one of the players returned from
the bathroom with an urgent report. 
"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen
making love to your wife." 
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively
the last deal." 


   A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
   She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
   When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
   close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
   which is full and bushy.
   "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
   "Actually, no" he replies.
   "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running
   her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
   "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused.
   "Is there anything I can do?"
   "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues
   huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him
   to suck them gently.
   "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."


My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it

So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.


An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when 
all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me 
beck the party!"

She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over 

He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da 

She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again."

He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove 
it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up.

Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, 
strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your 
telephone out."

He says, "Vy?"

They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. 
But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the 
telephone here."

He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes 
to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, 
Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I 
told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?"

She says, "Yes?"

He says, "Vell, get ready -- dey're bringin' it to ya!"


What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky's

When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.


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