Today's jokes [7.25.08]
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A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.
Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the
pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began
tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the
pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sending
his rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach.
As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out "Lord, I'm sorry for
what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord please
make this bear a Christian".
Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell
to it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep and
said "God bless this food which I am about to receive!"
Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.
One: Whew, it's windy today!
Two: No. Today's Thursday!
Three: So am I! Let's go to a bar!
How can u spot a tough Lesbian Bar?
Even the pool tables don't have balls.
Laboratory Rabbit Freedom
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he
had been born and
brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he
felt grass under his
little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
'Wow, this is great,' he
thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing
under it he saw a
wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at
the lush grass.
'Hey,' he called. 'I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just
escaped. Are you wild
'Yes. Come and join us,' they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted
so good. 'What else
do you wild rabbits do?' he asked.
'Well,' one of them said. 'You see that field there? It's got carrots
growing in it. We dig
them up and eat them.'
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most
succulent carrots. They
Later, he asked them again, 'What else do you do?'
'You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later
completely full. 'Is there
anything else you guys do?' he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
'There's one other thing
you must try. You see those rabbits there,' he said, pointing to the
far corner of the field.
'They're girls. We poke them. Go and try it.'
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little
heart out until, completely
knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.
'That was fantastic,' he panted.
'So are you going to live with us then?' one of them asked.
'I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't.'
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. 'Why? We thought
you liked it here.'
'I do,' our friend replied. 'But I must get back to the laboratory.
I'm dying for a cigarette.'
Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he
sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That
is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification
Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to
which the lady answers, "144." "That is great!," responds Albert. "We can
discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the
man answers, "51." Albert responds, "How about them, Cowboys?"
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