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Today's jokes [7.24.08]

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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging 
that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a 
special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After 
several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. 
"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a 
wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to 
wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you 
got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the 
handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. 
Get in."

1. 




Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched 
backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One 
thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows 
when to stop."

2. 




   Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her
   husband never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of
   pills and told her to put them in his drink and she would be
   'satisfied.'
   
   The woman, somewhat disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that
   evening. That night they made out.
   
   The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and that night they
   really got it on.
   
   The next day, she said, "What the hell," and put the entire bottle in.
   
   A few days later, the doctor called to check on her progress. The
   woman's son answered the phone. When the doctor asked how she was
   doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead; Sis is pregnant; my asshole
   hurts, and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling 'Here kitty,
   kitty.'"
   


3. 




There was this little boy who went in the whore house with a
dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the
pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the
boy said "please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i
have money thats no problem" the man was like ok "if you have
the money". So the boy went in and fucked the whore and came
out smiling to the man at the counter. The guy didn't understnad
why he was so happy. "its a long story" the boy said. "tell me,
i can wait" hte man said impaciently. "ok" the boy says "i have
aids now right? well--i'll go home and screw the babysitter...
she'll get aids, then my dad will come  homw and screw her...
he'll get aids, my dad will screw my  mom...she'll get aids.
Then my mom will then screw the milk man

.....and he's the son of a bitch that ran over my frog!"

sent by Alaine


4. 




Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out
that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of
New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and 
immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How
could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks 
pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have
you got to say???"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams
again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very
quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"

5. 



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