Today's jokes [7.24.08]
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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging
that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a
special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After
several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.
"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a
wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the
handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right.
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched
backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One
thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows
when to stop."
Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her
husband never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of
pills and told her to put them in his drink and she would be
The woman, somewhat disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that
evening. That night they made out.
The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and that night they
really got it on.
The next day, she said, "What the hell," and put the entire bottle in.
A few days later, the doctor called to check on her progress. The
woman's son answered the phone. When the doctor asked how she was
doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead; Sis is pregnant; my asshole
hurts, and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling 'Here kitty,
There was this little boy who went in the whore house with a
dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the
pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the
boy said "please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i
have money thats no problem" the man was like ok "if you have
the money". So the boy went in and fucked the whore and came
out smiling to the man at the counter. The guy didn't understnad
why he was so happy. "its a long story" the boy said. "tell me,
i can wait" hte man said impaciently. "ok" the boy says "i have
aids now right? well--i'll go home and screw the babysitter...
she'll get aids, then my dad will come homw and screw her...
he'll get aids, my dad will screw my mom...she'll get aids.
Then my mom will then screw the milk man
.....and he's the son of a bitch that ran over my frog!"
sent by Alaine
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out
that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of
New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and
immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How
could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks
pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have
you got to say???"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams
again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very
quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
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