Today's jokes [7.22.08]

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A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She
looks surprised and says, I don't have a headache!"
    
He says, "Aha!"

What's the difference between a computer and a blonde? 

The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on. 

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. 
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that 
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. 

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the 
reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and 
when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to 
manage as best she could."

A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August 
because of a conflict -- its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted 
from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, 
"but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 
'Take a clean dish and....'"

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