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Today's jokes [7.20.08]

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Q: What is grosser than gross?
   A: Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a 
spoon in your butt.

1. 




A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner 
wearing a neck brace.
He sat down and asked his mate what happened.
"Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough," replied his 
friend.
"Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I 
thought I'd give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that 
every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white. So I went 
over to it and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I 
called out to the chick and said, 'Lady, does this look like yours?' And 
the bitch hit me in the neck with her driver!"

2. 




Why did the chicken cross the road?

BILL CLINTON: 
Let me say this one more time.
I did not have sexual relations with
that chicken. 

3. 




Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, "I want you to help me get a 
divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting 
a little queer to sleep with." "What do you mean?" asked the attorney. 
"Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?" "No," replied the 
woman, "and neither does the little queer."

4. 




What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? 

Hey! There's some things even a blonde won't do. 

5. 



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