Today's jokes [7.19.08]

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As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's 
stunning, blonde staffers was transferred to an obscure base in 
Utah.

The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and 
handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, "Well 
Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your 
last assignment."

The girl sighed and said, "Yes Sir. I kind-of figured that. Will it 
be OK if I drape my uniform over this chair?"

"The Seven Dwarfs were all in bed feeling Happy-then he got out of bed
so they felt Grumpy instead....."

Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia.
His mate asked him what it was like.
"Australia's a great place!" Paddy replied. "First they take you home
and fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, they
let you fuck their women whenever you want."
"Is that right?" said his mate very impressed. "I always heard Australians
were real pricks."
"Well," said Paddy, "Only the white ones!"

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything!

On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided 
to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home.
Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the 
bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by 
candlelight.

When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that
expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the
empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a 
half-bottle too much.

He screamed to his wife, "Linda-Sue, you NASTY BITCH, you DIDN'T?!?"

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