Today's jokes [7.15.08]
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A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes
home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in
and shut the door." The guy says "What's up?"
The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman
came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed
her right on the lips."
The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."
The parrot says "Then he fondled her breasts." The guy says "He
The parrot says "Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking
on her breasts."
The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist?
A: They both fuck up bowings.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
A few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed
an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its door. The
victim tried in vain for a few minutes to roll the entire building onto a
different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy. She then was forced
to climb out through the seat, and over the pit near the bottom (now side)
of the outhouse.
The followup to this episode was that some `friends' seized me in the
middle of the night and tied my feet in a noose suspended in a tree. But
that's another story.
Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness?
- He refused becuase he hadn't seen the accident.
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