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Today's jokes [7.15.08]

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   Footless Parrot

   A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
   communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
   thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
   specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
   notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
   onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
   is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
   The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
   I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
   The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
   The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
   If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
   The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
   comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
   won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes
   home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in
   and shut the door." The guy says "What's up?"
   The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman
   came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed
   her right on the lips."
   The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."
   The parrot says "Then he fondled her breasts." The guy says "He
   did??!"
   The parrot says "Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking
   on her breasts."
   The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
   The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."


1. 




Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist?
A: They both fuck up bowings.


2. 




   Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
   A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.


3. 




A few years  ago some members of the  infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed
an  occupied  one-seat outhouse off  its  foundations,  onto its door.  The
victim tried in vain for a  few minutes to roll the  entire building onto a
different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy.  She then was forced
to climb out through the seat, and over the pit  near the bottom (now side)
of the outhouse.

The followup  to this episode   was that some  `friends'  seized me  in the
middle of the night and tied my feet in a noose  suspended in a tree.   But
that's another story.



4. 




Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness? 

    - He refused becuase he hadn't seen the accident. 

5. 



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